Last night I kissed Lauren and she tasted like a stick of Big Red gum. You other husbands might know what I’m talking about…
You lean in for what you expect to be a tender moment of expressing your passionate love for your beautiful bride when your lip sensors immediately send a message marked for express delivery to your brain reminiscent of the last time you plopped an “Atomic Fireball” candy in your mouth.
Whoa! What is going on?
Gentlemen, your wife is deeply involved in the underground drug ring made up of crunchy women called essential oils. Beware.
Essential oils are essentially (couldn’t resist) highly concentrated oils from natural sources (peppermint, lavender, basil, etc..) that can be used for everything from pimples to curing cancer. It’s not new but it has been growing in popularity as people are searching for a good alternative to pharmaceutical drugs. In the world of earthy, natural, granola cruncher moms they are extremely popular. See my wife for Exhibit A.
She has been feeling the beginnings of a sore throat creeping up on her the last couple of days, so last night before bed she took a bath in a tub of a cocktail oil called “On Guard” that specializes in fighting off sickness (okay, maybe I exaggerated about the bath part). I’m not sure what all is in On Guard but I am sure that cinnamon is a prevalent ingredient. Thus, the elementary school atomic fireball flashbacks.
As much as I think they’re funny I can’t deny the effectiveness of essential oils. We recently bought a blend called “serenity” that is supposed to help you fall asleep at night. Both Lauren and I have been sleeping noticeably better. She normally fidgets until three or four in the morning, but since we started rubbing a drop of serenity on the bottoms of our feet before bed she falls right asleep. For that reason alone I am a BIG fan.
Just like any good underground drug ring, you’ve got to have good connections; good dealers that you trust. We’ve got one that works great for us. She’ll meet us in dark alleys at odd hours and give us a sack with the goods in exchange for a wad of cash. Just top notch dealing.
Okay, she’s a little less menacing than that. Her name is Kim Adamson and she’s an outstanding rep of Doterra Oils. Her email address is firstname.lastname@example.org and if you want to talk to her about oils and get some samples, shoot her an email. She’d love to help you out and get you on your way to a healthier, more full life.
But be careful because you know what they say. Essential oils are the gateway oil.