As some of you already know, I’m stuck in the great metaphorical reality of a rock and a hard place.
During these first 6 months of the Vision Course, we have enough free time to work a part-time job (which is great). Before moving here, Luke and I decided it would be wise to both work a bit to help offset living costs and save for the international mission trip at the end of the program. So as we headed out here, I was hopeful to get a simple nanny or seasonal retail job (because that can’t be that hard, right?).
Well, I have lived in Kansas City now for about 54 days.
And during these 54 days I have applied for 18 jobs.
Which equals about 1 job applied for every 3 days.
And from those 18 applications I’ve had 1 rejection, 1 interview, 1 cancelled interview, and 15 non-responses.
Now I’m pretty sure any human being under these conditions would develop about 3 possible mindsets:
1. I have no skills or commendations in which to attain any job.
2. My references must be telling people I smell bad.
3. God doesn’t want me to have a job.
Unfortunately, I am unsure of which option is correct. You see, I don’t feel like I’m not supposed to have a job. After some prayer, I actually feel like God wants me to have a really good job – in an environment that is creative and enjoyable. I feel like the Lord wants a new place for me to grow in.
So with all those good feelings smashing up against the continual rejection I’m experiencing, my little emotions are running ragged.
What am I supposed to do? Keep applying? Just wait?
I’m starting to feel like the biblical character Job (which is a big stretch. I’m not even close to what he went through….). But those little lies of rejection are trying to sprout in my soul that I AM rejected or that God is not taking care of me.
As I shared recently, I have been receiving so much love from Father God and having him heal lots of brokenness in my heart. It’s been beautiful.
But unfortunately, I’m having a hard time reconciling this loving Papa God with the “God who is not giving me a job”!
I know that all Papa God’s ways are good, so there is a reason I don’t have a job right now. But still… it’s hard to see!
The reality though is that God accepts me.
I am God’s child.
A job doesn’t define my worth.
And God is providing really well for Luke and I (even without me having a job).
And the even bigger reality is that God doesn’t HAVE to give me a job or provide anything for us – He does it because He loves us and is using each event to draw us closer to him.
I’ve begun to realize God is never quite as concerned with money as I am… He’s way more concerned about my heart (which I rarely am sometimes! Hah).
Unfortunately, I don’t have a simple way to wrap this post up – I’m still in the midst of the struggle to trust God and His leadership. I’d appreciate prayer! Pray for my heart to receive His acceptance. And pray I’d get a job (or maybe not, I don’t know! 😉 ).
The other day though, I came across this phenomenal video by Bob Sorge. The video shares a bit of his personal suffering and faith.
Although I am not going through anything quite as catastrophic as he did, the truth he shares has been an anchor for my heart during this season. My prayer to God in the last several weeks of rejection and job-less-ness has been:
“I love you. I don’t understand you, and why this is happening, but I love you.”
May you watch this video and be encouraged, and may that prayer become yours as well. 🙂